DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 15 years and share a 14-year-old son. We no longer have a physical relationship.
I’m trying to decide if it’s worth getting a divorce. Our marital relations were what I would consider normal, at least once a week, before and during my pregnancy. However, once my son was born, it became less and less frequent. We have gone as long as two years without being intimate. This is because of my husband’s lack of interest.
We have been to counseling and had countless conversations, with me begging him to explain what the problem could be. He has spoken to his doctor and ruled out a medical issue. He refuses to admit he’s no longer attracted to me but claims he’s simply “not interested.”
Is it fair to me that I have spent 14 years without the physical intimacy I long for? Must I give up the idea of ever having it? Is this enough to leave him over? -- LONGING IN MICHIGAN
Stories by Abigail Van Buren
DEAR LONGING: Is being married to someone who refuses physical intimacy fair? No. From what you have written, I’m not sure your husband has been completely honest about his problem. This may be from embarrassment. The problem may be psychological -- that he’s not attracted to any woman who has given birth. (He wouldn’t be the first.)
It could also be that his hormones need supplementing -- something that should be discussed with an endocrinologist. If he’s having erectile difficulties, the specialist to consult would be a urologist.
Of course, none of these doctors can help if a man doesn’t WANT to be helped, has a girlfriend on the side, or is not completely straight. If that’s the case, the person you should consult is a lawyer. Hopefully, the divorce will be amicable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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