This column originally ran in 2023.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father lives far away from me, and since he typically isn’t around on my birthday, he gives me gifts in person or by mail before the day arrives.
I always thank him when I receive the gift, then I place it away until my birthday. At that point, I open it and then call to thank him.
Father always expresses surprise that I wait until my birthday to open the gift, and says he doesn’t mind if I open it the day I receive it, as my siblings do theirs. I think (and have told him) that it’s improper and impolite to open a birthday gift before the day itself unless there is a pressing need.
Can Miss Manners settle our disagreement? Who is correct?
Stories by Judith Martin
- Miss Manners: My son just laughs when I explain I don't want to eat at the same table his cat sleeps, eats on
- Miss Manners: So, why didn’t you take up the subject of spouse’s poor table manners before you got married?
- Miss Manners: Work-from-home employee feels resentment coming from co-workers who don't have that option
GENTLE READER: Once a present is delivered to its recipient, it is entirely up to that person how and when to open it.
But just between us, Miss Manners is in agreement with you. Birthdays have a date for a reason, and if we are all going to just celebrate them willy-nilly whenever we want, what is the point of that date?
Where she differs with you, however, is in your telling your father and siblings that they are being rude for behaving otherwise. That, she is afraid, is also up to them.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.